Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Codependent No More

This blog post is hard to write...it's not easy sharing my junk, but I know I'm not the only Codependent out there...

anyone else raising their hand?

I am learning so much from going to Celebrate Recovery and reading the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie!

Our marriage relationship sure has become deeper and more joyful within the past month as I have dealt with the sin/"sickness" of my codependency. Amazing what God will do in my life when I stop pointing the finger at others and deal with my own issues.

I have always known I have had poor communication skills...but as I read it in the book, God is opening my eyes.  I am underlining so much of this book as it describes me...

"Many codependents have poor communication skills.  We carefully choose our words to manipulate, people please, control, cover up, and alleviate guilt.  Our communication reeks of repressed feeling, repressed thoughts, ulterior motives..."  "Codependents are indirect.  We don't say what we mean, we don't mean what we say."  

Melody encourages codependents to learn the words: "I feel.."; "This is what I think..."; "This is what I need from you..."; "This is what I want from you..."; 

She also says, "Whenever our answer is no, start our response with the word no, instead of saying, 'I don't think so', or 'Maybe,' or some other wavering phrase."  
This reminds me of what my Father says in His word.  Matthew 5:37 "But let your 'yes' be 'yes', and your 'no' be 'no'.  For whatever is more than these is from the evil one."  
I like the way the KJV puts it: "But let your communication be, Yea, yea; nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil."

The Holy Spirit used this verse this morning to rock my world!  When I've said anything other than "yes" or "no", I've spoken evil!!  
(of coarse if we don't know, we say "I don't know".)  I am known for beating around the bush, trying not to hurt anyone's feelings and never actually communicating...God calls that sin!  This was huge for me!  I've always known the first part of Matthew 5:37, as I, myself, quote it to the kids often when they don't say yes or no (I'm raising codependents, but Lord willing will stop the cycle as I deal with my sin). 
When I read the second part of that verse...when I "beat around the bush" with my words, it "comes from evil", from satan....OH MY, please forgive me Lord!

So I am giving you permission, Please hold me accountable when you hear me "beat around the bush" and not give a direct answer. 

I am praising God as He has allowed this time of healing in my life.  He brought this season of healing in my time deepest time of need.  My Father takes care of me.  He rescues me.

"He delivers and rescues, And He works signs and wonders In heaven and on earth..." Daniel 6:27

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