Thursday, October 31, 2013

The Sin Called Codependency Triangle

Wow!  What a past couple months it has been for me spiritually!  
The Lord has answered my prayer and revealed a sin in my life... not fun.
As I told you before the name of it is Codependency.  This is what it looks like:

When I live in this sin: Rescuing Others, Playing the Victim, and Persecuting those "I've Rescued", I am my own god.
"Thou shalt have no other gods before me." Exodus 20:3

  I try to be other people's god by rescuing them.
"Know therefore this day, and consider it in thine heart, that the Lord he is God in heaven above, and upon the earth beneath: there is none else." Deuteronomy 4:39

  Only God can rescue someone, I cannot. 
Psalm 18:16-19  " He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters.  He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me.  They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the Lord was my stay.  He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me."

 The Lord revealed Jeremiah 17:5-8 to me through a friend the other day.  It goes along perfectly with this Drama Triangle.
"Thus saith the Lord; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the Lord." Jer 17:5

I can't figure out how to make an image of this for you in WordPad (on my laptop :)  but picture the "Drama Triangle" with me:

Where it says "Rescuer" in the triangle, put "trusteth in man" there.  

Where it says "Persecutor", replace it with "maketh flesh his arm".

Where it says "Victim", put "heart departeth from the Lord".

Now... here is the hard part:

Where it says "Drama Triangle" replace it with "Cursed".  

Do you see what I mean?!  Hard stuff huh?  That's the life I've been living...a vicious cycle of sin called Codependency!  God says when I live in that I am cursed!  Thank you Father for revealing this sin in  my life!

Here is the good news:
Jeremiah 17:7-8  "Blessed is the man that trusteth in the Lord, and whose hope the Lord is.  For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters..."

Now picture with me:

Where it says "Drama Triangle" I will replace it with "BLESSED".

Where it says "Rescuer" I will replace it with "trusteth in the Lord" and allow HIM to be God and rescue people.

Instead of being the "Persecutor" I will "hope in the Lord".

And instead of playing the "Victim" I will be "as a tree planted by the waters".

This sounds much better!
Thank you Father for revealing that junk to me so I can let go and live in your blessing of forgiveness and trust you with my life and those around me.  You are in control, I am not.

"But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed."  Isaiah 53:5

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Codependent No More

This blog post is hard to's not easy sharing my junk, but I know I'm not the only Codependent out there...

anyone else raising their hand?

I am learning so much from going to Celebrate Recovery and reading the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie!

Our marriage relationship sure has become deeper and more joyful within the past month as I have dealt with the sin/"sickness" of my codependency. Amazing what God will do in my life when I stop pointing the finger at others and deal with my own issues.

I have always known I have had poor communication skills...but as I read it in the book, God is opening my eyes.  I am underlining so much of this book as it describes me...

"Many codependents have poor communication skills.  We carefully choose our words to manipulate, people please, control, cover up, and alleviate guilt.  Our communication reeks of repressed feeling, repressed thoughts, ulterior motives..."  "Codependents are indirect.  We don't say what we mean, we don't mean what we say."  

Melody encourages codependents to learn the words: "I feel.."; "This is what I think..."; "This is what I need from you..."; "This is what I want from you..."; 

She also says, "Whenever our answer is no, start our response with the word no, instead of saying, 'I don't think so', or 'Maybe,' or some other wavering phrase."  
This reminds me of what my Father says in His word.  Matthew 5:37 "But let your 'yes' be 'yes', and your 'no' be 'no'.  For whatever is more than these is from the evil one."  
I like the way the KJV puts it: "But let your communication be, Yea, yea; nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil."

The Holy Spirit used this verse this morning to rock my world!  When I've said anything other than "yes" or "no", I've spoken evil!!  
(of coarse if we don't know, we say "I don't know".)  I am known for beating around the bush, trying not to hurt anyone's feelings and never actually communicating...God calls that sin!  This was huge for me!  I've always known the first part of Matthew 5:37, as I, myself, quote it to the kids often when they don't say yes or no (I'm raising codependents, but Lord willing will stop the cycle as I deal with my sin). 
When I read the second part of that verse...when I "beat around the bush" with my words, it "comes from evil", from satan....OH MY, please forgive me Lord!

So I am giving you permission, Please hold me accountable when you hear me "beat around the bush" and not give a direct answer. 

I am praising God as He has allowed this time of healing in my life.  He brought this season of healing in my time deepest time of need.  My Father takes care of me.  He rescues me.

"He delivers and rescues, And He works signs and wonders In heaven and on earth..." Daniel 6:27